Cleanse. Ha!

Well, I bought the fiber drink and supplements. I waited a week so I had time to do this ten day cleanse. IToday was the designated day. Actually yesterday was, but I kept falling asleep and couldn't get to the grocery store until 7:00pm. I started out the day great and by this evening decided I just really want to eat. I love food. I love creating yummy meals. I love chocolate cupcakes for dessert. This cleanse thing is sooo hard. I can't go cold turkey. Maybe if I eat right during the day, I can eat yummy for dinner and go to bed happy. Am I even cut out to do things in life that take discipline? And no breaks in between, but straight out discipline. Minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, doing something I am not too fond of doing? I can't even keep a blog daily and I like writing. If at first you don't succeed...try again in a week?

NaNoWriMo Three Times a Charm?

I signed up for NaNoWriMo again. National Novel Writing Month. I only wrote 300 words last year. The goal behind the program is to write 50,000 words from November 1st through November 30th. Since I have never been good at this, I made a personal goal of 10,000 words. So far I wrote two paragraphs last Tuesday. I am not disciplined enough. I found the start of my sequel so I have cheated and updated my NaNo status tonight to 1875 words. So that is a bit of a good start. We shall see if I have what it takes. If three times really is a charm.

Last Minute Decisions

Sigh. It figures. I have to go to bed tonight knowing that the first website I ever created has a picture of a woman bowling on it. My website is not about bowling. It is about my books. I am finally an author and people will think I am a professional bowler. Great. That's what I get for deciding at 8:45pm on a Sunday night to sit down and create a website. I had all weekend. I waited til it is time to go to bed before I have to get up early and go to work. (Not at a bowling alley.) I know nothing about computers or web design. I am so clueless and then add the extra pressure of cat who never meows deciding that now he will meow until I get up and play mice with him, which only makes the evening later and makes me pick the bowling alley design.  I tried to change it but it didn't save. Feel free to check out my new bowling website at http://www.victorialthurman.com/. Instead of "Come Fly with Me" my theme can be "come bowl with me." Good night.

Anymore Room in the World?

It is hard to say if this is just me, as I only know my own thoughts and sometimes they are very loud and may drown out someone else's, but I seem to have a lot of strange notions about the world and my place in it. About twelve years ago I began to see my first big dream possibly becoming a reality. (Don't let me bore you if you already know the story, just skip on down to the new part.) I wanted to move to Colorado. When I was growing up I wanted to go there so badly I could taste it. Almost every calendar I chose for myself was of scenes dipicting America's landscape and I would wear out the crease on the pictures of Colorado. I bought a coffee table book, when I was in college and had no coffee table to place it on, of America. The oversized heavy book would fall open to the Colorado pages. I knew in my heart I had to go there, but not just visit, I wanted my address to read, Any City in COLORADO.

I got a job in Atlanta with a computer company who had an office in Denver. My first day on the job, as a temp, I knew I had to become a permanent employee with this company so I could be transferred to Colorado. My permanent position was supposed to come four weeks after I started, but it turned into five months. I never doubted that I would have the permanent position in Atlanta and I continued to dream and make plans for my move, even though I could not imagine what job I would get, as I only knew how to be an admin. I couldn't imagine the admin there ever giving up her job. Then I began to doubt, seeing myself as small and insignificant compared to the big, busy world full of so many people, would there be room for me in Colorado? Would someone meet me at the state line and tell me NO VACANCIES? Maybe people would think I didn't belong there, this was their territory and I had no business, with as little experience I had in the world, to think I could just move there and set up camp by myself without any other reason to be there except I wanted to be there. I used to worry about that like it was a real possibilty. I know that sounds weird, but that was how I thought. I remember I freaked out before college graduation thinking when I walked up on that stage to receive my diploma, that the president would make me take a test and turn me away if I answered any question wrong. I didn't believe I knew enough to have earned that diploma. I didn't feel I knew enough to start a journey on my own in the world and I thought the world knew it. So five months after I began to work for that company in Atlanta, I found out the admin in the Colorado office was moving and I couldn't believe it my dream was coming true. I knew there had to be room for me. I'd just have to trust that there would be room for me. Seven months later on my thirtieth birthday I found my new apartment in Lakewood and I lived in Colorado for eight years and I learned my fear had been so silly.

For a couple of years now I have revisited that same silly fear, knowing full well this time, how silly it is, but never-the-less, here I have been eating meals with it and sleeping beside it at night. I believed the rejection letters I received and I did not make any further effort to send my manuscript out again. I felt I needed to make changes to conform it to today's most competitive markets. It sat in my room for four more years. Then this summer, I thought, why am I believing them? Did I not learn anything from moving to Colorado? In my silly mixed up notions, I had subconciously been waiting for a man to come into my life and we would get married and move to Colorado and live happily ever after. But waiting for something to happen on someone else's terms can be a long wait. If I wanted something to happen, I had to start it on my own. So this summer, I took a leap of faith and decided to self-publish my book.

The Dating Dilemmas of Delilah Dunnfield is the title of my book. Delilah is a woman who is looking for a man and finds herself instead. The cover design is in its second revision and I just received the manscript back two days ago with their revisions. The editor gave me a little review and said my book is "funny, touching, and inspiring." She gave me hope that there is room in this world for me and my books. I love my friends and family so much and appreciate their encouragement that got me this far, but sometimes it is the stranger who can break through a wall of doubt.

Blogging

Cover via Amazon

Hello again. I think I may be the worst blogger. I think I may benefit from reading Blogging for Dummies. I think I may be bad at this because well, of course one, I have not set aside time each day to write. The number one thing a writer should do is...write. There's a concept. But I think also, it may help to have an idea, or a centralized theme. I think I have exhausted my Edward theme. That wasn't planned by the way. That just happened. I am hearing a voice in my head telling me, "Don't let life happen to you. Make life happen for you." I'm creative, I should be able to think of something, right? I am good at projects. I am kind of lost without them- I just kind of wander around aimlessly. I am an artist, but I never sketch. I do projects. Paint a canvas, paint a stool, etc. I used to write in a journal every day, starting when I was thirteen. But then in my twenties, I got depressed and decided I didn't even want to relive what happened. I stopped journaling. I started writing a novel. A project. One that took me ten years to complete. If you ask me though, it is still not quite complete. It needs some revision. I hear a lot of authors had a "practice" novel. One that at the time they wrote it - they thought it was great. But then after they wrote a second one, it turns out their opinion changed. The first one was only practice. So I am moving on from that ten year project and am working on another one. I got the title in 2004. Does that mean this is another ten year project? I did not start writing it until last year. I have a long ways to go. But since I do not want to write my novel on my blog...I decided I will work my way through writing books. I have heard for years, if you want to be a writer, then you must read Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird. I purchased a copy of it years ago. Have I broken-in the spine yet? No.

Last year I turned 40 and decided to spend my fortieth year doing things I have never done before. Not really a 'bucket list', but if something comes up, I promise myself not to turn down an opportunity. I rode a Ferris wheel the first time ever in my 39th year, but I think that was the only thing I could claim as a first. This year, I ate a raw oyster. (It also helped that I was rewarded $20 for doing it.) I took a boot camp class and lost 10 pounds. Goodness, I know there was more to it than eating an oyster and sweating myself into my first bladder infection. When I think of the others I will let you know. Anyway...my point is that I will read Anne Lamott's book and then I will read another writing book, etc.

I went to a concert! I saw The GooGoo Dolls last fall. My first real in this day and age concert. I don't count going to see "Earth, Wind, and Fire" in 2000 a real concert because they are an oldies band.

I will try to be here at least once a week blogging about my thoughts on writing and the books I am reading. Maybe you'll be here too?

Good night.